by Robin Herne
"Fast-friends, forest companions,
We made one bed and slept one sleep"
So begins a poem sung by Cuchulainn to his foster-brother and dearest friend
Ferdia of Connacht. This poem was first recorded on paper back in the days when the anam-chara was a
normal social institution in the Gaelic world. The word, which has been revived in recent times by
writers of popular books, translates as soul-friend. It entered Gaelic through the influence of the
Latin, animae carus. The origins of the institution are unknown, some suggest it was a
Christian introduction but others argue that it may well predate Christianity. What we do know of it
stems from Church-sponsored literature, and so it is uncertain if in earlier times the relationship
between soul-friends was in any important regards different.
This anam-chara acted as the guardian and mentor, their duties included taking
Confession, counselling and advising, and reading eulogies at the funeral. As well as spiritual
protector and teacher, they were also a close ~ perhaps the closest ~ friend to the one they guarded.
As the centuries rolled past the Church changed some of this and started insisting that only men
could act as anam-chara, then that only an ordained priest could take confession etc. Eventually the
whole position was entirely eroded.
How might a Pagan practice have differed from the Christian? Well, there is
nothing to suggest that the early Irish ever practised any form of Confession or the giving of
Absolution. However, most people benefit from having a trusted friend in whom to confide their most
private thoughts or painful secrets. So a Pagan anam-chara may well have acted as some kind of
counsellor, and kept whatever secrets their friend told them. The early Christian practice of having
anam-chara of both sexes was probably borrowed directly from older Druidic approaches. Even in early
Christianity women were seldom granted any real authority, so there is little to suggest female
anam-chara may stem from Church doctrine.
The concept of a sacred friendship was by no means confined to the Irish. Other
cultures also had equivalent ideas. The Welsh had the periglour. The Chinese had a friendship
ceremony, which was described in the 17th Century by Li Yu. He talks of how the pair would sacrifice
a duck, a rooster and a carp, smear each others mouths with the commingled blood, and swear oaths of
loyalty. Astrology probably played a part, as they also exchanged birth times.
The Balonda tribe of Africa make various cuts on their bodies, and then bleed into
a mug of beer. The witnesses to the ritual then chant and cheer as the friends consume each others
blood-beer.
In modern Britain the role of friendship has been much denigrated. Friends are
often just part of a "crowd scene", milling pointlessly in the background whilst the
exclusive emotional focus is on the spouse. We tend to expect our husbands or wives to be friends,
lovers, parents, housekeepers, wage-earners, confidantes and every other thing going. Huge amounts
of emotional pressure are piled by one person on to the other. Small wonder then that one in three
marriages fail, with people often feeling suffocated by their partners. Older societies did not tend
to expect such great shakes of marriage, with emotional needs being spread amongst a wider circle of
friends and relatives.
Of course many may not feel the need for a mentor, so such a thing could hardly be
compulsory for those in a Druid tradition. Yet the Abbess Brigit is quoted as saying "a person
without an anam-chara is like a body without a head." To be truly friendless is hardly an
achievement to crow about.
A soul-friend should be chosen wisely. It might take years to find anyone worth
asking to serve in this capacity. Nonetheless, it is wise to think about having someone to take
charge of your funeral arrangements (especially if your legal next-of-kin wouldn’t understand
about Druid funeral rites.) This can be done by appointing someone as executor of your funeral, when
writing a will. They need not be a soul-friend in any other sense.
Accepting the role of anam-chara is quite a responsibility, it means taking on
board the good care and nurture of another person’s soul. It involves being capable of
cherishing another person more highly than oneself. A rare capacity in this all-too selfish
world.
"Dear to me thy noble blush,
Dear thy comely, perfect form,
Dear thine eye, blue-grey and clear"
Cuchulainn sings these almost erotic lines over Ferdiad’s corpse. They may
well have been lovers ~ the taking of same-sex lovers not receiving the stigma it continues to do
today. There may have been cases in which the anam-chara was also a lover or blood relative, rather
than a platonic friend. Though sexual or familial ties can make it hard to view another's problems
from an objective stance.
These days, with phones and email, it is not necessary to live near someone to
look after them ~ though in previous centuries it would have been. It is unlikely that anyone would
have requested an anam-chara from outside their tribal boundaries. Whilst it is possible these days
to support someone from a great distance, I personally think that this would loose the intimacy of
the anam-chara bond. Part of counselling is understanding body language, which is lost by phone. It
also understands tone and inflection and significant pauses, which are lost by e-mail or letter.
Part of healing is, so often, physical intimacy. I do not refer to sexual involvement, but just
touch ~ a hug, an arm round the shoulder etc. We are not so far removed from chimps who bond through
grooming ~ there is a warmth to being touched by another human being who actually likes you.
Especially if ones wounds are derived from feeling ugly, abandoned, diseased or in some manner
"unclean".
The ritual to formalise an anam-chara relationship has been lost, but a little
imagination could create an acceptable ceremony to seal the oath between two people. The Tain speaks
of a "blood-pact of friendship", though whether this was a Yakuza-style mingling of animal
blood or a Balonda-style pooling of human blood can only be guessed at. Though in these days of
hepatitis and HIV it might not be too wise to take the sharing of human vitae literally!
Robin Herne
robinherne [at] hotmail [dot] com
March 2005
