Emma Restall
Orr, or Bobcat, is the hard working head of the Druid Network, chief of the
Order of the Yew, and former joint chief of the British Druid Order. She is
a full time teacher and priest, author, and a spokesperson for Druidry in
the media. Bobcat has taught courses worldwide, and lectured at universities
and conferences on Druidry, environmentalism, healing, and women's spirituality.
Her books include 'Spirits of the Sacred Grove'. (republished as
'Druid Priestess'), 'Principles of Druidry', and 'Living Druidry'. You can
find out more about Bobcat on the Druid Network profile pages, here.
The Interview
What are your earliest memories of paganism?
If I think about paganism as a perception of the world, not a religious tradition,
my memories go back to the beginning of my life. My parents showed me the
world in a way that was infused with their own love and wonder for nature
... thick crunchy white snow, tiny busy songbirds, the tall trees singing
in the wind, the endless ever-changing skies.
As a religious tradition, my first encounters with what I understood
to be paganism were in the wild places of the world, such as the rainforest,
sleeping in hammocks between the trees, listening to the locals sing to the
spirits.
Did you ever have any sort of moment of 'realisation'?
Three moments that were significant from my early life I can share with you.
The first at 8 years old, lying on warm rocks by a river, in an exquisite
wild and empty valley in Spain, near where we lived, the scent of the wild
herbs, the far off ring of goat bells, and I was struck by a feeling of complete
wellbeing. So much so that the memory has never left me. For a moment, the
world made sense.
The second, age 9 or 10, on the Caribbean coast of Venezuela, a cove with
a little village, and I saw in the wild 20 foot high breaking waves a woman
rise. A vision, perhaps, but at that age it didn't feel like a vision, it
came to me as utterly physical. I felt terror and wonder. This was the first
time I saw deity and recognized it as such.
And lastly, age 15 or 16, in a state that I hope none of the readers of this
page have or would wish to be in, crawling home from another night clubbing,
through the dark city streets of Tokyo in the early hours of the morning and
I came across a rose, growing in a pot outside a store, and on a petal a drop
of rain glinting in the lights. My world shattered.
It was after that moment with the rose, as I tried to put the world together
again, that I gave up trying to construct reality as others were telling me
I had to. I knew I had to walk my own footsteps. In my soul, that is a foundational
understanding of Paganism : we create our own journey, we take responsibility
for the steps we take, within the world as we each individually perceive it.
How difficult was it as a younger pagan, to practice your beliefs etc?
At 15, beginning to explore the world for myself, there were no authority
figures in my life who were telling me what to do or not to do. This isn't
an ideal situation: I would much prefer to see someone held within the arms
of a family, but the freedom gave me a chance to explore unhindered. So it
wasn't hard because of other people.
What was hard was the lack of inspired material to read and the lack of trustworthy
or intelligent Pagan elders to study with. Both of those are in a little more
abundance today, thank the gods!
How did you find Druidry, what made you pursue it?
The witchcraft that I first came across was far closer to sorcery than what
is now often found in modern Wicca and hedge witcheries, and I became tired
of the focus on control. Spells and invocations may give you a buzz, when
something happens as you cast it to happen, but soon enough we discover that
our wishes are not always sensible and our spells don't always create happiness.
I sought out a Paganism that was not hampered by occultism or power-raising.
What I wanted deeply was the deep connection to the land that I had felt
as a child, the world-shattering beauty, truth and pain that I experienced
in that rain drop. It made sense to me, therefore, to seek out the indigenous
myths : the old stories that contained the mysteries of the relationship between
the people, the land and the gods. It was through the old myths, particularly
the Mabinogion and Arthurian tales, that drew me to Druidry.
And through these tales, I sought out teachers, and found both individuals
and organizations, through small ads in strange journals, through word of
mouth and the tangles of the grapevine.
As a young pagan, did frustration or difficulty ever make you want
to give up?
I never wanted to give up my journey into the tradition, but I often became
frustrated with boring and over-intellectualized books, with pompous elders
whose behaviour didn't inspire respect, and with notions of what Druidry was
proclaimed by people who seemed to be doing little but costume drama in white
robes.
And I despaired at times with my teachers; sometimes they were simply not
reaching me, and sometimes it was my inexperience and impatience that didn't
allow me to understand their teaching. And that is probably the most important
word I would use here : impatience. Patience is hard to learn when we are
desperate to explore the mysteries, but we learn nothing without it, nothing
at all.
Looking back now, what would you say about your
young pagan days, how have your experiences shaped your own vision now?
My journey into Paganism taught me to walk my own path; to be respectful to
those who walk with truth and integrity, to steer clear of those whose paths
we might feel are misguided; and to make sure I do walk it, not just talk
about it ... for too many people just talk, and nobody will walk it for us.
What would you say to any young pagan/Druid who came to you asking
for advice on 'where to go' and 'what to do'?
Giving advice to someone starting out on the journey is terribly hard. Take
the following with a pinch of salt, for my words have worked for me, but may
not work for someone else ...
The most valuable resources we can find when we start out on a religious
/ spiritual journey are wise companions and guides. Sometimes a person will
show up for ten minutes then disappear, leaving us strangely awake and thinking
in new and wonderful ways. Sometimes a teacher will enter our lives for an
extended period. Either way, I would encourage even the shy and feline / anti-social
folk to get to gatherings and events, and there watch, listen, ask questions,
and listen again. It isn't necessary to join a grove, but it can be a powerful
place of teaching. If the only time we are practising our Druidry, though,
is when we are with the grove, we probably would be best to look for another
religion.
I would advise folk never seek out knowledge in the form of facts, nor to
condemn something as pure fiction. Life is neither. Life is a flow of stories,
a flow upon which we find our own journey, learning to ride the currents.
Our task as a seeker, looking for a way into the old traditions, craving understanding,
is to accept all that we are given as sparkling stories, not fact, not dogma,
not universal truth. It is in the waters that we are given that we find inspiration,
the awen. In return, our task is to ensure that our life stories add beauty,
wisdom, wit, courage and inspiration to that river.
Lastly, we seldom find value from a teacher who has to advertise. We are
always better following the grapevine in search of guides, listening to others'
opinions of a course or teacher, and making up our own mind.
It is crucial to find the courage to step forward and ask questions from
those who have earned our respect. We must then listen well to the answers,
always bringing gifts in exchange to someone who has given us a gift of understanding.
And we must then take the wisdom with us and walk our own path.
And finally, is there anything else you'd like
to add just in general?
Druidry is a religion for the long distant past, for yesterday, for today,
for tomorrow and into the far horizon of the future. But if we are to live
it well, we must stay where are feet are : here and now. The tradition is
worthless if it stays in our head : we must always find a way to live it through
our fingers and feet, through our heart, our belly and our voice. Here and
now.
Sing it. Dance it. Scream it. Whisper it.
Share it.
