The Rite of Renewal after 25 years of Marriage
By Chrissie Rayner
 |
In 1998 Pete and I celebrated twenty five years of marriage.
It was our Silver Wedding Anniversary in the June of that year, and we
wanted to do something extra special to mark the occasion. Life had been
very hard for us during the recent years; my health had been extremely
bad for much of the time, and we were plagued by one emotional crisis
after another because the side-effects of medication I was on made
me unstable. After this was sorted out in 1995 things inproved, and by
the time this special anniversary came around I was back to normal again.
But this wasn't enough; I strongly felt that we were in need of a spiritual
cleansing, to set us back on a wholesome path and to enable us to make
a new start; to put us on track for, hopefully, another twenty-five years
of wedded bliss. We racked our brains as to what we could do, in order
to make this possible.
Stonehenge is a place that holds a meaningful fascination for us. We'd
never been inside the stones, having always remained outside the confines
of the barrier, along with all the other sightseers, whenever we
visited the site. I thought how wonderful it would be to have a special
ceremony of renewal within the stones, celebrated by a priest or priestess
of Druidry. And so I contacted the Custodian of the stones, and was put
in touch with Emma Restall Orr, who at that time was co-chief of The British
Druid Order.
I had never met Emma (a.k.a. 'Bobcat') before, but we gelled at once.
I felt as though I had known her all my life. Before a Rite was composed,
she asked me to write her a letter, outlining the reasons why Pete and
I wanted a ceremony at Stonehenge. This was easy; the place has always
felt like a spiritual home to us; we both revere and honour all things
ancient, created in this land by the ancestors we especially acknowledge
as worthy of reverence and respect. The ancient sites have always drawn
us, and we have a high regard for the principles of Druidry.
Emma was happy to perform a Rite for us, and with the Druid Handfasting
Ceremony as a guide she helped me to write a ritual of celebration that
was appropriate, and directly pertaining, to our needs. I asked
our daughter if she would like to accompany us. Her reply was touching,
full of understanding, insight and wisdom for one of her tender eighteen
years: "No Mum, this is a very special time for you and Dad, it'll
be far better for you both to go on your own. But I will be thinking about
you at the time of your ceremony. Go, and have a wonderful experience."
And so it was that Pete and I travelled to Wiltshire at the beginning
of June with an excited anticipation in our hearts, thrilled to be celebrating
our wedding anniversary with this personal Blessing Ceremony, and
overjoyed at the prospect of entering the sacred stones for the first
time.
We'd paid the Special Access fees which allowed us admittance to
the stones, plus fees for two extra persons. These 'unknowns' would act
as our witnesses; our intention was to select a couple of willing folk
from among the sightseers when we arrived at the visitors' centre. I knew
I could trust my intuition in this, and the two we chose were ideal; a
man and his twelve year old daughter, who had travelled from their home
in Hampshire that evening to visit the monument. They were the very last
people to leave the site, and both were absolutely thrilled to be asked
to participate in a ceremony inside the circle. Pete and I were delighted
to have them with us; their joy and wonder made our happiness complete.
It had been raining all that day, but the sky cleared and the rain ceased
a few moments before our ceremony was due to begin. We were dressed
in the colours of Earth, Pete wearing a brown waistcoat and I in a
deep green, layered dress, with green ribbons in my hair. We recognised
Emma at once, wearing a blue-green robe, which she later substituted for
a white one. We introduced ourselves, and everyone felt comfortable and
at ease. The laughter was sublime, but as we all made our way towards
the pathway to the stones a feeling of awe swept over us, and we fell
silent. There were six of us, for Emma had brought a photographer
along. He too seemed overwhelmed with reverence for the site,
and clearly attuned to the sacredness of the ceremony we were about to
engage in.
Emerging from the tunnel that leads from the Visitors' Centre, we stood
facing the henge. It was almost seven-thirty, the sun was setting in the
West as the crescent moon rose Eastwards. Above us the sky was bright
and clear, yet all around the blue, and far into the distance, the
grey clouds rolled and tumbled, threatening more rain. Turning to us,
Emma remarked "It looks as though you two are truly blessed."
We felt as if this was indeed so.
Then, turning firstly to Pete, Emma spoke:
"Pete, do you come here of your own free will?"
He answered without hesitation: "I do".
"Are you happy with me as your Priestess for this
Rite?"
His voice full of emotion, Pete replied "I certainly
am."
After asking me the same questions and receiving my affirmative
answers, Emma turned to face the stones, and with the words "Let
the Rite begin!" she proceeded to lead our little procession
towards the great temple of our ancestors. In synchronicity with the hypnotic
beat of a drum we made our way to the portal, at the centre of the
three great trilithons.
Standing there at the entrance to Stonehenge for the first time in our
lives was an unforgettable experience, both for us and for those accompanying
us. Pete and I could feel each other trembling with emotion
as we passed beneath the massive lintel and entered into the magical
land within the perimiter of those giant megaliths that form the
outer circle. Once inside, it was as though time was standing still, and
had done so for aeons. The spirits of the ancestors were with us, or so
it seemed, as we held each other, absorbing the wonder of the moment whilst
Emma made her preparations for the Rite. Our two new friends, Simon and
his daughter Yvonne, stood quietly and unobtrusively in the background
as Pete and I eventually took our positions with Emma, ready to renew
our marriage vows, and to pledge our unfailing love and honour to
one another throughout the years to come, no matter what should yet befall
us, either good or ill.
The ceremony was sheer beauty. Pete told me afterwards that he had never
experienced anything so meaningful and relevant to life. In fact, it was
so beautiful and caused us to feel such an overwhelming surge of love
and emotion that we regard that ceremony as our real marriage, our true
wedding and spiritual union. The, by comparison, clinical experience
in the Registry Office twenty-five years previously seems to hold no more
significance for us, after this. The magic of our wedding renewal at Stonehenge
has never left us, and we remember the occasion as clearly as if it happened
yesterday.
After the ceremony was over, Emma asked me if I wished to leave my flowers
at the altar stone. I'd carried a small bunch of white daisies, tied with
a white ribbon. Of course I did! I removed the ribbon, it being non-biodegradeable, and
placed the flowers carefully on the ground beneath the altar stone, keeping
one small stem to take home for pressing. As I laid my
flowers I noticed some ashes scattered there, and felt honoured that my
humble spray should be destined to lie beside the mortal remains
of someone who, in life, had revered and held sacred this fabulous place;
who had honoured those same beliefs and values that had guided me
and my dear husband here to celebrate this our precious Rite of Passage. I
blessed that dear, departed soul, wishing him or her a safe
passage on swift wings to the Blessed Isles.
As Pete and I passed through the great portal on our way out of the henge,
we were showered with rose petals! Emma had given young Yvonne a handful
of these, to throw over us as we emerged from the temple. Yvonne was thrilled
to have been part of the ceremony, and when she later wrote to me she
told me she'd been very proud, next day at school, to have been able to
tell her classmates and teacher that she'd been a bridesmaid at Stonehenge!
This young girl had been clearly moved by the ceremony; it had touched
both her and her father deeply. The love that flowed around those stones
that evening was powerful enough to move mountains, and I'm certain that
those two, father and daughter, will never forget the occasion. My everlasting
wish for them is that this love accompanied them home, illumined their
own lives and those of their loved ones, and continues to do so.
Oh and by the way, no sooner had our little gathering reached the visitors'
car park than the rain fell, and continued to do so until the next morning.
Blessed Be!
Chrissie Rayner
January 2003
Having fought breast cancer over the past few years,
Chrissie is author of the excellent book, Courage, Brave Amazon
(Lucas, 2002), which takes the reader through her own personal journey
of illness and healing. Her webiste, http://www.braveamazons.com,
is a resource for those moving through the journey of breast cancer.
