In this wonderfully inspirational story Helen describes how her Druid practice nurtured her bond with her unborn baby and helped her ground and stay focused through a difficult birth.
Even to me, when I hear myself retell the story of my son’s birth and I say that I loved every minute of it, I momentarily stop and check whether I’m crazy or whether I’ve just remembered it wrong. And each time I have my experience affirmed as truth, and even through the medical interventions and the pain I can honestly say I loved every minute of it and it was the most powerful and awesome experience of my life. I hope the retelling of this story helps other women who may also have to have interventions in labour feel able to hold onto the journey of giving birth and claim the power inherent in giving birth as their own.
During pregnancy I had felt a deep connection with my son and had worked to craft a dedication to motherhood and to hold safe space for my growing baby, honouring my gods as well as the lines of ancestry now running forwards as well as standing strongly behind us. The connections to my baby and dedications made during pregnancy helped me stay connected to my baby and offer reassurance throughout labour and birth. These connections and dedications also helped me stay in a very calm place during labour and to stay open to the full experience of it without fear or panic.I had gone into hospital for the birth of my son as I had gone two weeks over my due date and I’d agreed to be induced.
This didn’t have an immediate effect and it was nearly 3 days later when the consultant was able to artificially break my waters. This didn’t produce regular or particularly strong contractions so I was hooked up to a hormone drip and this speeded up the contractions and intensified the pain. Up until the point of the drip I’d not been overpowered by the pain but had worked to accept its energy as the power to bring new life. With the sudden increase of pain I had Pethadine which gave me a big enough break from the pain to recover some energy. The Pethadine seemed to take me out of the pain, almost above it, not rooted in it and so I don’t recall feeling particularly connected at this point but I did feel very clear and within myself.
The Pethadine eventually wore off and I wasn’t given another dose as at this point they had begun to monitor my baby’s heart rate and oxygen levels. The pain came back in all its vivid intensity and, with no anaesthetist available for an epidural, there was just me and the pain. At this point I didn’t have any awareness other than the pain and I think this was a really powerful time for me and I felt almost high on the energy of the pain and the contractions. I became confused around this point too: the pain making it impossible for me to have much awareness of what else was going on. I know there was a discussion about a caesarian section for a while, but that seemed to pass. Then I felt the urge to start to push and the midwives confirmed I was nearly fully dilated.
Confusingly an anaesthetist then arrived and my initial reaction, knowing that I was 9 cm dilated, was that I could manage without an epidural as I had only got 1cm left to go, but for some reason the midwife advised me to have the epidural in case there were any further complications later on in the delivery. I took her advice and this is the only bit I’m not sure I really needed. However, it did take away the pain and I was completely present and aware for the eventual birth of my son who was eventually born with forceps. After after a short time on the resuscitator he was placed on me and the intensity of the love I felt for him came from deep within my bones.
My son is now 3 months old and I have loved every minute of being with him. Being able to breastfeed him has felt so important. Not only for the health benefits to him, but on a deeper level the time spent breastfeeding feels like it nourishes the energetic connection between us, a reaffirmation that while he is still so young we are still sharing the same energetic space. I am feeling very empowered as a mother and I am learning all the time about the responsibilities of motherhood and the intense happiness that my son has bought to my husband and me.
Helen Buxton