The following rite was written by Emma Restall Orr in around 1998, with numerous sources of inspiration, not least the many couples whom she has married over the years.
The Sacred Rite of Handfasting
Where
Handfastings can be performed in any situation, from wild muddy meadows in the drizzling rain to the manicured courtyards of expensive city hotels, from windswept beaches with surf spraying across the sands to the magical solemnity of a neolithic stone circle. I have been celebrant at rites in soft sunshine in suburban backgardens, in the drama of dawn at Stonehenge, in the landscaped maze of baronial mansions.
In Britain there are a limited number of places that are registered for ceremonies that will be acknowledged as offical in law, that are not Christian churches. Many couples, however, if they desire the legal stamp, will attend a registry office on another day or will find a venue that is registered with gardens or the like where the handfasting can take place.
Preparing of the Venue
In many circumstances, it is worthwhile making a ritual of preparation to clear the space of any inappropriate or distracting energies. Of course, and especially if the rite is performed in the open air, the spirits of that place (both ancestral and of nature beyond humanity) must be honoured, asking and/or confirming that they will accept and inspire the rite to be done.
Where appropriate and desired, a temple space can be created, with a sacred Circle delineated and decorated as required. Many wedding Circles are created with flowers, boughs of wood, hops or sheaves of corn, depending on the time of year. The Circle can be cast magically, but even where it is gently drawn – allowing guests (and children) to leave or return – the Circle does bring a stronger focus to the rite.
An altar also encourages a clearer focus for those gathered, for although the couple may be lost in the moment, guests can be less attentive. The altar may be made of a anything, from low covered table tree stump, or anything at hand. It may be decorated with flowers or foliage of the season, and have upon it the tools for consecration, feasting and other essentials for the rite.
The Participants
This rite is written to be led by one celebrant. This could be a priest trained in the tradition, whose role is to hold the energy of the rite and ensure that the rite is performed with sufficient magic and honour. However, for a less formal or more private rite, these words, with more added or some removed, may be spoken by any member of the gathering.
It is usual to have with the bride and groom at least one witness for each of them, but some weddings are performed and witnessed only by the gods, the spirits of the ancestors and spirits of place. For some the witnesses are maid(s) of honour, bride’s maids, best man/woman. At the rite as written below, parents are present. The gathering can be as big or small as the couple desires.
The Ceremony
The ceremony itself is wholly flexible, adapting to the desires of the couple. Here is an example to be used as you would wish.
THE TEMPLE IS MADE
Ushers encourage the Guests to gather around the edge of the Circle. The Groom and Best Man stand just outside the Circle by the gateway. The Priest bids everyone welcome giving an outline of the ceremony. She calls to the Spirits of Place that the rite maybe performed with their guidance and inspiration. She makes the Call for Peace, turning to the four directions.
Let there be peace in the East, so let it be.
Let there be peace in the South, so let it be.
Let there be peace in the West, so let it be.
Let there be peace in the North, so let it be.
Let there be peace through all the Worlds.
So let it be.
The purpose of the rite is then declared. Note that many in the Druid and Pagan traditions marry the same person a number of times, reconsecrating their bond and updating their vows in accordance with changes that move through their lives. Where it says below ‘(number)’, this refers to the number of times the couple have wed each other before.
We gather here in peace for this sacred occasion that is the (number) Rite of Marriage between (Bride) and (Groom). As our Circle is woven and consecrated, this moment in time and this place become blessed. Let each soul truly be here that the spirits of those gathered may be blended in one sacred space, with one purpose and one voice.
The Circle is woven loosely or cast magically, depending on what is appropriate for the venue and desired by the couple. It may be consecrated and blessed with incense and water.
The spirits of the Four Directions are honoured in words such as these.
Let us call to the spirits of the four quarters of our world, that this rite be blessed by the powers of all Creation.
Spirits of the North, powers of winter, guardians of earth and stone, strength of badger, (or some specific lore of couple), who you teach us of love and loyalty, great bear of the starry skies, my Lady of the sacred womb, the rich soil of creation, I ask that you honour this our Circle as we honour thee. Witness and bless this rite. Hail and welcome!
Spirits of the East, powers of spring, of conception, regeneration, vision of falcon and blackbird’s song, swallows’ freedom flight, (specific lore of couple), sylphs of the wind, breath of life, my Lord of the rising sun and all new life, I ask that you honour this our Circle as we honour thee. Witness and bless this rite. Hail and welcome!
Spirits of the South, powers of summer, pride of stag and fire wit of fox, dragons of the land, sprites of the dancing flame, (specific lore of couple), you who teach us of courage and the power of truth, my Lord of the wild Greenwood, I ask that you honour this our Circle as we honour thee. Witness and bless this rite. Hail and welcome!
Spirits of the West, powers of autumn, cat who stretches to hunt at dusk, wisdom of salmon and otter’s play, (specific lore of couple), undines of chuckling brook, devas that dance our love and emotion, my Lady of the Seas, tides of being, I ask that you honour this our Circle as we honour thee. Witness and bless this rite. Hail and welcome!
The Three Worlds of earth, sea and sky are honoured, that their blessings might inspire the rite. Words such as these might be used.
Hail spirits, you of beauty, power and inspiration, of the high skies that guide us to stretch and grow; you of the dark earth that holds and feeds us; you of the open seas that wash the shores of our sacred lands; you who offer us freedom, nourishment and rebirth. As our ancestors knew and honoured your power, so do we now.
Offerings are made to the Spirits of Place.
THE BRIDE’S ENTRANCE
Some brides still love the idea of making a grand entrance and being given away by their father or father-figure. If this is the case, the following can be used in the rite. If not, she can begin the rite beside her Groom.
The Bride, with her father, her Bridesmaids and Bards, approaches the Circle with as much theatre as she would wish.
Who is it brings this fair maid to be wed this day?
The Bride’s Father: I do
Then let it be done.
He guides her to her place at the Circle’s edge beside the Groom. The Priest then welcomes the Couple into the Circle.
We gather together on this the (date), the (number) day of (name) Moon, in the year (date), in the eye of the Sun and upon this hallowed Earth, to witness this sacred Rite of Marriage between (Bride) and (Groom), a rite that is both a Blessing and Renewal of their precious union. To know where we have come to, let us honour what and whom have brought us to this place.
THE ANCESTORS ARE HONOURED
The rite then acknowledges those who have given us live and brought us to this place.
In the name of our gods and the gods of our ancestors, we give thanks for all those who have shared with us their lives, their wisdom and their love. On this sacred day of their wedding, we give thanks especially for the blessings bequeathed to (Bride) and (Groom) by their ancestors of blood and spirit, both those newly departed and those of old. (Specific names if appropriate)
We honour in particular (Couple’s Parents), ancestors present in this rite in body and in spirit. Acknowledging all that has been given, the sacred gift of life, the hardest lessons taught through love and tears, the bond you share and the individuals that you are, let these ancestors too be honoured at this time.
The Couple give gifts to their parents in thanks, honouring their bloodlines.
We call too to the spirits of the lands of their birth. (To the Couple:) You have brought with you this day offerings of the earth, herbs and fruits, from the landscapes of your childhood. Would you now place them upon the altar, with any other symbols and gifts you have brought, as a mark of your respect for your blood ancestors and for the spirits of those lands that nourished you and still nourish your families.
The Couple place the items on the altar.
Ancestors, know what is done. With thanks we bid you, Hail and welcome!
THE RITE OF MARRIAGE
Let each person gathered here now call into this sacred rite, in this consecrated place, the powers that we know to be sources of love and inspiration.
Let us take a moment to attune to this Presence that we may bring ourselves fully to the importance of this time and place.
(Bride) and (Groom), do you come to this place of your own free will?
COUPLE: I do/I do.
Let us honour the four directions of our world, that their blessings may be brought to this couple.
The Couple are then taken around the Circle to each of the quarters.
(East) Spirits of the east, spirits of air, let us feel your breath!
Through times of uncertainty, through winds of change, will you still love and honour each other?
COUPLE: I will/I will.
Then may you be blessed by the powers of the east? May together you find the freedom of flight in the clear mountain air, may your marriage be reborn with each new dawn.
(South) Spirits of the south, spirits of fire, let us feel your power!
Through the flames of passion, and when the fires burn low, will you still love and honour each other?
COUPLE: I will/I will.
Then may you be blessed by the powers of the south. May together you dance the road of courage and vitality. May your home be filled with warmth.
(West) Spirits of the west, spirits of water, let us feel your flowing energy!
Through the white water currents and deep still pools of emotion, will you still love and honour each other?
COUPLE: I will/I will.
Then may you be blessed by the powers of the west. May together you weave and blend your desires, flowing with the beauty of the ocean tides. May your life together be filled with love.
(North) Spirits of the north, spirits of earth, let us feel your certainty!
Through times of cold restriction, when problems seem immovable, will you still love and honour each other?
COUPLE: I will/I will.
Then may you be blessed by the powers of the earth. May together you root in sweet fertile soil, that your union may grow strong. May your lives together be rich with that fertility and its perfect fruitfulness.
At the altar, their hands are tied with the length of cloth.
At sacred times and places, our ancestors clasped hands when they would wed, and such handfastings witnessed by the gods and the community were lawful, true and binding, as love binds one heart to another.
(Bride) and (Groom), are you ready to declare your (renewed?) vows to each other, vows that will bind you together, soul to soul, heart to heart, joining the bloodlines of your ancestors and those of your descendants, witnessed by those who have gathered here this day, in spirit and in body, in this sacred Circle?
COUPLE: I am/I am.
All things in nature are circular. Night becomes day, day leads into night which again gives way to day. Moon waxes and wanes, and waxes again. There is Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter, then Spring returns again. These are the flowing rhythms of the Cycle of Existence. Yet in the Centre of the Circle is the stillness of the Source, eternal and brilliant.
(Bride) and (Groom), do you bring with you this day your symbols of these mysteries of life?
COUPLE: We do.
The Best Man gives the rings to the Priest.
Then be they blessed in the name of the old gods of our land, for they are an outward sign and a sacred reminder of your commitment witnessed here this day.
The rings are blessed, consecrated and placed upon the altar.
As the sun and moon bring light to the Earth, do you, (Bride) and (Groom), vow to bring the light of love and joy to this your union?
COUPLE: I do/I do.
The Priest takes the Wedding Candle, blessing and consecrating it. The candle can be lit at this stage if appropriate.
Do you vow to honour each other as you honour that which you hold most sacred?
COUPLE: I do/I do.
The Couple’s hands are untied, the length of cloth placed on the altar.
Taking the rings, the Priest gives one to the Groom who puts it on the bride’s finger and makes his personal vows to her.
The Priest gives the other ring to the Bride who puts it on the groom’s finger and makes her personal vows to him.
The Priest takes Wedding Stone and it is blessed and consecrated.
This sacred Earth is our home. It offers us the power of life, nourishing us, body and soul, holding us from birth until we let go once more into the worlds of spirit. Each rock and stone, each pebble and gem contains within it the stories of all time.
You have chosen this stone together as a foundation stone of your marriage from this point on. Do you now swear upon it, as a symbol of this sacred land and our holy Mother Earth, to keep your vows?
The Couple place their hands on the stone held by the Priest.
COUPLE: We swear.
Then let the Earth bear witness that (Bride) and (Groom) are joined in love and joy and freedom. So let it be!
COUPLE: So let it be!
Would you now take the gifts of your birthlands and, mixing them together, offer them to the spirits of the land upon which you make your vows, this land that is now your home.
The Couple mix the gifts and pour onto the ground beneath their feet.
Let your vows be sealed with a kiss.
The Couple kiss. The Bridesmaids and friends shower them with the confetti petals and grains of love and fertility.
Let all bear witness that (Groom) and (Bride) are joined in love as Husband and Wife. Through this renewal of their marriage, witnessed and blessed, may their love partake of the beauty, majesty and power of this sacred Earth.
My own blessing, and the blessings of all those assembled here be with you. The blessings of your gods and the gods of your ancestors be with you. The blessings of the ancestors be with you. With you and with all that comes of your union. So let it be!
THE FEAST
The traditional feast within Druidry is bread and mead. However, these may be substituted for cake and wine or cider, or whatever is preferred. The Bride is given the bread and the Groom the mead/wine to hold, as the Priest makes the blessings. The words here are general, but specific deities may be invoked.
Mother Earth, in the name of our gods, the gods of our land and of our ancestors, we give you thanks. You nourish us body and soul with your gifts of beauty and abundance. As you honour us with precious life, so may we honour you.
Father Sky, in the name of our gods, the gods of our land and of our ancestors, we give you thanks. Light of the sun and blessings of rain fall upon the body of our Mother, bring forth her gifts. As you honour us with your blessings, so may we honour you.
The Couple offer the first back to the earth, breaking bread and pouring mead, the second to the ancestors, then to each other. Sharing it with all present, they take the loaves and horn around the Circle.
The rite of Marriage is complete.
The Couple join the Circle.
THE PRAYER FOR PEACE
Before our ceremony ends and we return to the worlds beyond, let us form the Circle of all Existences, that we might share in the joy that we have witnessed. Let us lift our thoughts to the powers that offer us life and inspiration, knowing that the gifts of beauty and love received in this rite are ours to share, as blessings of healing, protection and abundance, for this sacred planet and all creatures that live upon her.
The Priest joins the Circle for a moment’s quiet.
May the world be filled with love, beauty and harmony.
ALL: So may it be.
THE CLOSING OF THE RITE
The rite is complete. May our memories be rich with it. Let us thank the powers of nature for their presence.
The spirits of the Four Directions, the Three Worlds, the ancestors and any others who have been invoked into the rite are all thanked as the Circle is closed.
Spirits of the north, great bear, mighty badger, loyal dog, spirits of earth, we give you thanks for the gifts of strength and endurance that you have brought to our Circle. My Lady of the womb, may your gifts remain with this couple from this day forward. Hail and farewell!
Spirits of the west, hunting cat, wise salmon, laughing otter and wise frog, spirits of water, we give you thanks for the gifts of deep wisdom and free flowing that you have brought to our Circle. My Lady of the Seas, may your gifts remain with this couple from this day forward. Hail and farewell!
Spirits of the south, proud stag, running fox, spirits of fire, we give you thanks for the gifts of passion and energy that you have brought to our Circle. My Lord of the Greenwood, may your gifts remain with this couple from this day forward. Hail and farewell!
Spirits of the east, falcon, blackbird, eagle high, spirits of air, we give you thanks for the gifts of clarity and far sight that you have brought to our Circle. My Lord of the rising sun, may your gifts remain with this couple from this day forward. Hail and farewell!
I give thanks to all those, both seen and unseen, who have gathered here today. May all be blessed, returning to their realms in peace.
O Spirit of this Place, we give you thanks for your blessings. Hail, O ancestors, O great Gods of old, we give you thanks for your presence, your guidance and your inspiration. May these gifts remain with us as we bid you hail and farewell!
Let the Circle be opened that these blessings be shared, and the feasting may begin. Blessed be, as blessed is.
The Circle is uncast or unwoven.
This celebration ends in peace as in peace it began. May the spirit of this rite and the blessings we have received go with us all as we depart this place, to nourish, strengthen and sustain us until we meet again. May the blessings of this rite nourish, strengthen and sustain (Bride) and (Groom) throughout their lives together.
So let it be!
The Couple lead the way from the Circle, followed by the Best Man and Bridesmaids, parents and other participants, the guests following on. The Priest is the last to leave the Circle, making the final prayers of closing.
Here ends this rite.
Blessed be as blessed is!
Copyright of this ritual remains with The British Druid Order/Emma Restall Orr 1999/2001